Thursday, May 30, 2013

Forgiveness, what a wonderful concept

Here begins another challenge in my life. Forgiveness can mean so many things to so many people.I find I am a very forgiving person,however lately I'm not so sure.To forgive one doesn't mean you forget what they have done.If you can forget what one has done do you truly forgive them? Holding on though can be hurtful and hard to move on from the past.But what if you are the one who has moved past but the other person cannot or they constantly remind you of not so good of choices you made? What if this person is family? I am also trying to realize how important it is to be there for my family now but how can one tell one that holding on makes one not want to be around.The biggest challenge for forgiveness I have right now is with the Lord.I am so angry with him.I want to believe that he doesn't give one more that they can handle but I am at my breaking point.I can handle my brother being sick,me having Lupus, but I cannot handle my moms cancer returning.With many sleepless nights and feeling so lost forgiveness just isn't coming. What am i supposed to be learning? To cherish life thank you but I already know this.Although Mom said to me I want to have a real mother daughter relationship with you.I don't want you to feel overwhelmed and I don't want you to feel I'm trying to run your life.I just want to be your mother/friend. Upon all this heartbreak a relationship can blossom.So I guess I ill work on forgiving him and spend as much time as I have with my Mom,who doesn't know it but is someone I admire.

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Just one Question.? Things to make you go hmm.

How just one question. If chemotherapy and radiation are supposed to help why do they not.? Can someone please explain this to me.Or are we just all blind to see the real issue.That in fact chemotherapy doesn't help.We do as we are told take the medication that does horrible things to our body in hopes it helps.Is it a cure? No. Does it prolong life. Yes, but at what cost? Thats the other thing you need medication to take to counteract the chemotherapy and those cost a fortune.I understand that chemotherapy is pretty much like putting toxins into ones body but does it give that patient and their families a falsehood.Or does it come back to faith? Does remission really exist?Those of you that know me know my mom was in remission for just under two years from colon cancer.Well it is back but in her liver as well.

Thursday, March 28, 2013

Such A Crazy Time!!!

I can not begin without saying what a crazy two weeks my family has had.I was so excited for some girl time.For it had been such a long time.During this time I get a phone call from my Mom.Now immediateness something is wrong.My mom is one who never calls my cell unless something is wrong. It turns out my brother was in the emergency room awaiting to be transferred to ICU.I brought them food and went home to grab things needed for an overnight-er at the hospital. My Dad went home for rest while mom and i stayed. I went home that Saturday at 1030am. It wasn't till that afternoon he was transferred .My brother spent a week and a bit there.He is now home.That week I spent a lot of time in the hosp.Does it ever make you thankful for precious moments.However it didn't end there. My daughter called that Monday to tell me her great grandmother had passed away.I also found out my biological father had gone in for surgery and I wasn't informed.Even though all this has happened I still am thankful for the wonderful memories that have been created in times of difficulty. With Easter coming I'm so thankful for the small things.I'm thankful that my brother is home to celebrate Easter with us.I'm so thankful that my daughter will be home on the 8th,which is when we are doing Easter.I'm thankful that even through all the confusion,frustration and sadness that my son can make me laugh.I'm so thankful that we will all be together for Easter.I'm thankful for the sunshine,the birds singing and flowers blooming.

Thursday, March 14, 2013

Blind Faith

Why is is that we as Christians live by blind faith.I am asked this all the time. For you can not see but you still believe.I was recently challenged on this belief.After all why believe in something you can not physically see?For me I feel at peace in knowing that no matter what I am loved and not alone. However this alone has sometimes left me challenged.I was recently diagnosed with Lupus and I will admit I cried.Then went through anger,sadness and finally acceptance.I felt at the end like this was one more thing to handle or per say deal with.I asked a friend after my brother was diagnosed with Duchenne's Muscular Dystrophy at four and a half, my mom with colon cancer,myself heart condition and now Lupus the latter three being within the last three years how much more can I handle. She told me God doesn't give you anything you can't handle.I told her honestly I can not handle anymore. Well it has been four months and she was right.It hasn't been easy though by any means.Even though with all the sunshine we have been having and the recent discovery that the very thing I love must now be enjoyed with precautions. I must say though I am scared and once i admitted that the peace came from within. Having blind faith to me means I can be unsure,uncertain and afraid but know I am not alone.I know that I am loved.This comes with having trust.But for me a state of peace. This has given me the ability to be so thankful for so many things; The first for my two children who have taught me so much patience , love and understanding. The second for my other half who has so much patience within my bad days. For my loving family,friends who have shown me so much love and support. I leave you with this;

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

I must say it has been a very interesting week.Still not able to head back to work. Although I am improving very slowly but surely.The weather has been absolutely amazing. I must say the past two days of been watching movies.The first one was Friends with Kids I must say it was not what I was expecting however it did have so funny moments.The second movie I watched was the most uplifting, spiritual, empowering movie I've seen in a very long time. It was Soul Surfer.Again not what I expected but I fell in love with everything about the movie. I would recommend it to anyone. Blessings!!!

Thursday, July 19, 2012

Thankful Thursday!!! I can begin by saying this week as been extremely challenging to say the least. Struggling with physiotherapy to get better and back to work is so much more difficult than I thought it would be.On a good note I went from 8 percent movement to 17 percent movement.Trying to get better within three weeks to go back to work is proving to be quite a challenge to say the least.I'm so very thankful for my job and that at the end of the day I really do love it.The people I work with are great.I'm thankful that we all get along and have fun.I am so very thankful for all the great weather that we are having?Just wishing I wasn't in so much pain to enjoy it more. I'm so very thankful that my son made it home safely from his trip.I'm so thankful for every single breath I take,from God giving me courage to finally send that long-awaited letter to my Dad.I am so very thankful for my family. Blessings and Hugs!!! When pride comes ,then comes dishonour,but with humility comes wisdom..,Proverbs 11:2

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Wow It has been so long since I,ve posted.I didn't realize how much little time I would actually have once I went back to school full time all while working full time and being a single parent.What a whirlwind of a year it has been.I have a question and would love to hear feedback on this please.So to all my friends out there..,How does one go about truly leaving the past and mistakes that your parents think were mistakes in the past, when they won't? I am not the same 17 year old who had a baby out of wedlock.How do I make them see this? I know I haven't always made the best choices.I have two wonderful children that I raised all by myself one is 22 and attending the Vancouver Art Institution.My youngest just graduated.What more could I ask for? I am so thankful for my children who are my light,my best friends. I am so thankful for my sisters and the chance we have been givin to know each other.Building a bond with them has been a wonderful experience and I thank God every day for that. I am so thankful that my Mom's cancer seems to be in remission...,even though I won't truly except it. I am so thankful that my brother who has Ducehnne's Muscular Dystrophy will be turning 25 in Sept. I am so thankful for all the wonderful weather we are having.., even though I have a back injury and am off work. I am so thankful for my wonderful friends who show that I am loved and wanted. I am so thankful for my daughters trip home even though it was only a week. With everything I know that with each new struggle, with each new challenge with each new hurt with each thought doubt of self worth I know that I am never alone.That our father is always there. Whatever is true,whatever is noble,whatever is right,whatever is pure,whatever is lovely,whatever is of good report-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-I will think about such things.The things I have learned and received and heard and seen in those who walk with Christ,I will practise,and the God of peace will be with me. Philippines:8-9 God Bless and have a beautiful day..,hugs.peace and love.